English or German?

I've always cursed the cars that cut in front of me in traffic, and I've been known to speak softly to my garden plants while tending them, but recently I caught myself actually talking aloud to pots and pans, a very disturbing revelation.  What worried me most though, was that I was doing it in German!  Yo, things have gone too far if I start thinking and babbling in German when I am by myself!

Certainly I have come a long way since those timid words at the start of my Junior Year Abroad.  The first milestone passed when people trying to judge solely from my accent couldn't place where I was from.  I worked especially hard to avoid the typical American twang -- as if chewing gum while speaking, as once explained by my sister-in-law Anne-- so this was very encouraging.  Next  came the realization that, when speaking German, I was also thinking in the language, and no longer translating in my head.  But I knew I'd reached real fluency when those people I communicated with in German during waking hours also spoke German in my dreams, and the same with English and English speakers.  I had finally arrived. 

Even before they were born, Christof and I decided to raise our children bilingually, which turned out to be not difficult at all.  Our method of choice was to make English the "house language" as opposed to each of us speaking in our native tongue with the kids.  This system has the distinct advantage of allowing only one language at the dinner table (otherwise the chatter at the family meal must be in two languages or one parent can not remain consistent), and worked well for us as I was a stay-at-home Mom and constantly with the boys in their first years of life.  I sang, read and spoke to them in English, but to balance things out (at least a little), I took them to German playgroups, which is how I expanded my own vocabulary to include nursery rhymes and finger plays.  Every activity outside our home -- going shopping, eating out, going to church, seeing doctors, visiting friends, etc. -- went down in German anyway.  We also allowed an exception to our own house rule for when German-speaking guests were present, for it seemed impolite to talk together in a language that others did not understand.  All three boys started out with English being the stronger language, but at the tender age of three, when each child went off to the local kindergarten (more like American preschool), the scales tipped, making German their "first" tongue.  Still, we kept the iron-clad rule of speaking English with us and at the dinner table, but among themselves they could speak as they pleased.  Our efforts paid off, as our sons are truly bilingual, and even though their English grades in school did not always reflect it, they are native speakers in both languages.

It fascinated Anne that as our boys learned to say their first words, they would speak in German to her and then turn to me and continue in English.  She enjoyed showing off this "talent" by asking them to say a word and then request the English translation.  The young boys were somewhat confused, as they associated each person with either German or English, and in their own minds did not translate, as they had no need to.  For a while they played along, but the game quickly got old, as for them it was only normal to speak both tongues.  

There were, however, those few instances where the boys' understanding was somewhat fuzzy.  I once caught Tim when he was about 7 or 8 coolly explaining to a new acquaintance that his mother came from England.  When I gently reminded him that I grew up in the US, he said "well, you always speak English, so I thought you came from England".   I couldn't really argue with his logic, but I did correct his misinformation.  Altogether this has always been our agreement -- when necessary, I correct the boys' English, and they in turn point out my mistakes in German.  (obviously the same with Chris).  Many people find it odd, almost disobedient, when the kids correct my near perfect German , but it is the very best way to improve.  Only once did this plan back-fire.  Many years ago, while attending a church retreat,  I sat praying aloud to a group and right in the middle of the prayer, Tim corrected my slightly improper grammar.  New exception to the rule -- no corrections during prayers!  In the end, I am very thankful that all five of us feel at home in both languages, and can talk equally well to family and friends on both sides of the Atlantic.